Positive Relationship, Successful Giving and Receiving

Without becoming overworked himself, a man can learn to be more effective in supporting his partner. At each step, her appreciation will motivate him to do more. It will not entail a major sacrifice nor will he feel controlled. With a deeper understanding of men, a woman can learn how to support a man in [...]

Ease Marital Conflicts continued

Withdrawing A particularly foul method of fighting is to say nothing, to withdraw in silence. This is a very loud silence that permeates every aspect of home life. It is not unusual for me as counsellor to hear of husbands who don’t talk to their wives for days on end. When their partners beg them [...]

Ease Marital Conflicts

Smooth-talking All of the above techniques represent the direct-attack approach to getting one’s own way. There are however, more subtle forms of manipulation that can be extremely effective. One of them is a smooth tongue. Probably the most common form is open flattery. A man invites some friends home for dinner and only tells his [...]

Marital Attacks: Foul fighting; Reasoning; Kitbagging; Blaming; Criticism; Ridiculing continued

Kitbagging Here one partner has an imaginary kitbag. Every little injury, every little offence, every little hurt is carefully stored in the kitbag. At the time nothing much is said. The person who uses this technique usually suffers in silence — until the kitbag is full. Then when the next disagreement occurs (and usually it’s [...]

I’m afraid to tell you, we never talk anymore

Time and again I have had a distraught husband or wife tell me that they no longer communicate with their partners. What they mean is that they no longer take the time to share their hopes and fears, their joys and their frustrations. Two days ago Beverley sat in my study and cried, because after [...]

Couple Barriers to Gut-level Communication continued

Fear of upsetting my partner Sometimes we refrain from communicating what we really feel because we’re afraid it may hurt or upset our partners. We think that its heroic to “suffer in silence”. Sometimes it is confused with the biblical injunction to “bear your own burdens” or “to be the least”. A wife may feel [...]